Coping Mechanisms: How do we deal with stress and our fear of the unknown?

Hi guys,

I know I haven't done a post in a while, but at this point in my life I feel like I'm still in the process of being taught a lot of things which I am not fully educated to speak about yet. So I do not have the authority to speak about a number of things! But I do feel I can share my thoughts on this...

It seems like the consensus of feeling from people surrounding me at the moment is gloominess, depression and stress. Possibly because most of us are third year students which, on an individual can be quite scary feeling an creates a sudden need for introspection. You may start to question a lot of aspects of your life as a reaction from the overwhelming feeling that you're GETTING OLD.

You may start looking as aspects such as:

.The quality of your friendships and relationships with people

.Your career prospects

.Your long-term relationship prospects

.Who you are really are as a person

.And which direction you should take your life in upon graduating?

If you struggle to find an answer to these questions, we often stay in a state of limbo where we are just confused about what exactly we are doing in life? It becomes quite tedious just focusing on one thing such as your degree or even work and that can increase the pressure to dis-cipher these aspects, on top of the pressure of your work or degree it can really lower you spirits and create what my house mate termed as a 'constant black cloud over your head' - you feel down and have zero motivation.

Where's Kelly when you need some motivation?

One thing that concerns me especially is that although we are under pressure, life will inevitably be full of pressure, so rather than moping we should in fact try to find our own coping mechanisms. Because although we cannot change a number of external factors, could we, (upon introspection), discover what makes us truly happy?

If we look at the two types of coping mechanisms, there are ones that provide long-term relief and those that provide short-term relief. Exploring the affect of these could be our first starting point.

Short term coping mechanisms can be things such as:

.Sexual comfort

.Drinking with the aim to get drunk

.Excessive partying

.Watching TV

.Retail therapy

.Takeways

Long term coping mechanisms can be things such as:

.Going to the gym

.Cooking healthy food

.Visiting a careers advisor

.ticking off things from your to do list

.making sure your home is clean and in order

.completing pieces of work

.trying the best way you know how, to fully understand yourself as an individual

.Praying, improving your relationship with God

Now Although the latter may seem less fun, (and agreed only my perspective -everyone's coping mechanisms will be personal) the difference is that these are things that will give you a longer sense of happiness as they give you a lasting sense of achievement. If you don't really know where to start, it might be useful to look at people you really admire and their qualities, and then think to yourself 'do I wish to have that quality?' If so, that should automatically lift your spirits as you then have a goal to work towards. and once you start to adopt these qualities you will automatically feel more contented as you can look at yourself and feel proud and inexcusable of the person you are.

There are many things in this world that we cannot master, but ourselves is something we all have the ability to, so why not embrace it? Plus there is nothing more attractive than a person who truly knows themselves.

I feel like Gavin DeGraw's - 'I don't wanna be' suits the mood of this entry and also a very feel good song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gFCW3PHBws

Okay, Let's get Technical...

Hey guys,

First things first, I got a twitter:

www.twitter.com/misskyomiwade

Secondly I've had a reallly nasty case of writers block... so if you could excuse the little drought *ehem* of blogging.

I just had a little epiphany of sorts after coming off the phone to one of my girlfriends which I thought I'd share with you.

and it was that maybe, the trick is not to focus on the technicalities and just live life

Now obviously I don't mean to say this as some sort of grand revelation or secret to life. Nor do I mean technicalities in regards to work and theory related matters. When I say technicalities I mean, each time a situation in your life has come when you've thought, well technically I shouldn't be doing this because of x y z.

For example you may not put a lot of energy into a project for someone because 'technically' the work they produced for you wasn't up to par

Or

I'm not going to text this person back straight away because technically, they took a long time to reply to my message.

Or

I don't want to take up a dance/fitness class because people will laugh at me because I cant dance- therefore I will look like a fool. and you know, I'm not a fool.

'Oh he must think I'm playing!'

If you look at what's going on here you can realise just how dangerous this is because we end up focusing our energy on minor details whilst the bigger picture slights of of sight due to principal.

Now don't get me wrong.... principles are important. But why would you hold yourselves back from experiences due to pre-conjured thoughts people MAY have, or not exercising your full potential, at the expense of someone else's failings? Even worse stop your self from communicating with someone when the point is you want to speak to them, or you wouldn't have texted them in the first place.

I think it's very important to just live sometimes because things will never be smooth sailing or perfect, but if we know that, then we can work on getting life as close to perfect, whilst still existing in reality.

Even if we are to specifically look at relationships. We can sometime stifle growth, and our own happiness, due to technicalities we feel we have to enforce; regardless of their irrelevance!

We can have one set thing in out head like for example 'he has to take me out and pay or he's not serious about me' or 'I'm going to wait said time before I'm intimate with him'. And we do this because we assume the worst case scenario's. The idea that he could be after one thing, or that he's not putting his money where his mouth is because he doesn't think your worth spending on. But the truth is, this isn't the case with all men- so why do we cling on do them so tightly?

Happy People? Yeah (8)

The solution it seems would be to judge situations individually, and not by a whole sex's reputation or your past experiences for instance. Make room for and allow the happiness in your life, you really don't want to be that person, sat wrapped up in technicalities when it comes knocking at your door!

x Ky x

On a lighter note however whilst attending the Drake and J.cole concert, I found myself swell with pride when he shouted 'ya dun know!' at the crowd in a 'London' accent. Made me proud to be British mate!

*wipes tear from eye*